In the first ten days of 5767 my bedroom flooded, I shook hands with the president of Ghana, and my toilet melted.

 

5767 - Day 2: Two American friends came over for a festive holiday (Rosh Hashana) meal. They are not Jewish, but I suppose they can still celebrate Rosh Hashana. We were sitting around my house and as usual they were people playing games on my porch (more on that another time) and for whatever reason there was someone taking a shower. Suddenly, the sound of the water got much louder and more intense. Crazy, unpredictable Ghanaian water pressure, we assumed. So we kept sitting there until my friend spotted water pouring out my kitchen. I got up to inspect and saw water bursting from the pipe under the kitchen sink.

 

While I went to find the old guy who manages the house (more on him another time), my two friends were saving the day. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the concrete floor slopes down from the kitchen directly into my room. The water was flowing so effeciently under my door it almost seemed by design. At at this point, I still had no furniture, other than a bed, so everything I owned in Ghana was lying on the floor as the mighty kitchen river was about to rush in.

 

To make a long story short, the old guy shut off the water main, my friends threw everything onto my bed saving all of my stuff, and I scooped up two inches of water off my floor with a plastic cup (I had help). Measures have been put into place to hopefully ensure that this never happens ever again. Also, the stir-fried vegetables (they sell eggplant in my town - this is exciting), chicken and rice all topped with sweet and sour sauce were excellent. Collecting ingredients for this meal was quite a project.

 

5767 - Day 5: 2006 marks the 45th anniversary of Peace Corps in Ghana and around the world (Ghana was the first country to have PC Volunteers). I'm against celebrating the 45th anniversary. If you're celebrating 45, then you've got to celebrate every 5 years. It's too much.

 

But, Peace Corps decided to throw a party at the US Ambassador's house. Lots of embassy people, easily distinguished by their suits and ties, and about 100 volunteers were there along with assorted bureaucrats, hangers-on, misc. President Kufuor, who recently had a press conference in Washington with C. Rice, pulled up 45 minutes late, or exactly on time in Ghana. He gave the final speech of the evening and then ceremonially cut the anniversary cake and posed for a picture. I was standing directly behind him, so I was right there when he turned around to shake hands. Weak grip, although I'm pretty sure he could take our president in a fight. Also, my face was spotted on Ghana national television by the old man who manages my house. Of course, all white people probably look the same to him, so really, it could have been anyone that he saw.

 

After the party, Peace Corps put up all volunteers at a Ghana-fancy hotel at the beach. The regular price of a room was upwards of $70! I've stayed on the floor in places that cost me $2 a night, so this was pretty absurd. Peace Corps actually gave us 2 nights, but being the responsible teacher that I am, I only stayed for one.

 

5767 - Day 7: More friends over for dinner and more plumbing problems. It was light off, so we put candles around the house. Someone, not me but really it doesn't matter, put a candle on top of the toilet. Seemed harmless. The homemade pasta sauce, garlic bread and fried bananas with melted chocolate were all delicious. And then we went to sleep.

 

I was really surprised the next morning by the sight of my melted toilet. I would not have thought that a toilet could melt. In fact, the tank was made of plastic and there was nothing left of it but a heap of melted trash (the seat was fine). I know what a heap of melted trash looks like because they burn garbage here. No real infrastructure to dispose of it any other way.

 

The whole thing smelled of burnt rubber and a pipe was slightly leaking. At this point I was mostly concerned with the possibility of another flood, but I learned during The Great Flood of 5767 that if there's a small leak somewhere, I can stop it by turning on a faucet elsewhere in the house.

 

Unfortunately, no one saw the toilet melt. It would have been fascinating I'm sure and I'm eagerly awaiting a full report from the local police department's forensic unit. My preliminary observations indicate significant smoke damage on the wall and there are these bizarre black webs in the corners of the room. Were there flames? Did it burn slowly or just burst into oblivion?

 

(Note: The most amazing thing about my local police department is that I actually have one. Many town are too small or too poor. It is equipped with at least one police car and one motorcycle. It has no phone line, but it does have a radio that it can use to contact the police department in the nearest big town. Needless to say, it does not have a forensic unit.)

 

Obviously I have learned my lesson. Next time I leave a candle on top of my plastic toilet, I'm going to stay up to learn exactly how a toilet melts...

 

Addendum #1: I was at the Wal-Mart of Ghana a few days ago (called Melcom's and to the best of my knowledge not associate with Walmart) and the TV section was showing baseball highlights! This was very exciting as I don't think I've seen baseball since I was in the US. But unfortunately I learned that Pedro Martinez is out for the year. Bummer. That will probably make winning the World Series even more dramatic (not that I'll see a single pitch). And apparently the Giants are in last place! Also a bummer, but again, probably won't see a single play.

 

Addendum #2: Jon, I am quite tan. Sort of a reddish/khaki color that's nothing even close to Ghana color. Also, really enjoyed your article in "Acharei ken," which I just got. So disappointed I'll miss my 10 year anniversary next summer. I don't think we'll have a very good turnout.